Had such a fun day but I feel it was tainted somewhat at the end-thanks a lot you insensitive prick.
Gaah I’m annoyed that I’ve let it get to me!
Ah well, feels so weird to be leaving school!

I’ve come to the realisation that I need to get over this now. It came to me yesterday that I’m never going to be with you in that way again and I’m never going to know you in the same way as I did, and vice versa. That thought makes me so sad because I’ll probably always have feelings for you and it’s like that part of my life is dead to me now. I want to get to the stage where I can think about memories and listen to songs that remind me of you without getting sad, and I’m hoping that soon thinking about that kind of stuff will make me happy-happy that it happened and make me happy that I was with you. The only regret I have is that I wasn’t on the same page as you second time around but apart from that I don’t regret a minute of our time together and I’m so so glad you were mine. I know I’m nowhere near what you want in a girl now but you were so special to me and meant a huge amount to me but I’m hoping that by finally, truly accepting that it’s over, it will bring me peace.

I hate being alone and not having someone to care about in that way but I know there will be others, and I’m looking forward to those kind of butterflies that only the beginning of a relationship will bring. And in the meantime I have an amazing group of friends and people around me who genuinely care about me and I care about them and I can tell anything to them. I have a good time with them and I know they will be there for me when I need them. It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be to rebuild myself without you but I think I’m nearly in that resurrection stage, I know what I want from future relationships and I know what I need to do next time.

I’m worried about going on study leave because when I’m alone with my thoughts for too long I overthink things and get myself into a right state-I feel vulnerable being on my own with my mind. But by cutting myself off from you completely I’m hoping that positive part of my being will grow strong again and I know I will be happy on my own.

So enough tumblr stalking-I don’t think that’s helping me at all and it was surprisingly hard unfollowing you but it’s just another thing I don’t have to fret about. At some point I’m going to have to see you getting with other people and I’m hoping it won’t affect me too much. If anything I hope you truly care for the next person you’re with, and you can learn from what happened with us and I wish you all the best in life and love.

I think that’s it! Time to turn over a new leaf, and I’m feeling pretty good about it :)

I’m trying not to care about you probably talking to all these other girls, but I will care about you more than they ever will.

Everytime I see you my stomach gets tight and I feel horrible.

Fuck I hate being single

I am a mess, I’m really missing the intimacy at the moment.

Waah I want it to stop :(

Lonely.

Don’t even know why I’m saying this, I don’t think you even read this anymore.

I know now that no-one compares to you.
This makes me so sad I can’t describe,
I’ll just have to get used to people who aren’t you-aren’t even half of what you are.

WHY IS IT ALL SO COMPLICATED
Flgkejdkfkekclg

Especially when I’m alone and my mind is vulnerable-get out of my head!

I’m going to my first proper churchy wedding tomorrow, I’m so excited, it’s going to be such a lovely day spent with wonderful people :)